Broken silence

I've been rather quiet on here for the past number of months. I have been focused on the publishing of my first book and everything involved with that. I have had this thought many times before, but really felt like putting it down on here. I am so happy with my lot in life! Although I'm in a wheelchair and at home alone with my thoughts I still have an outlet to release those thoughts. I may be disabled and have many challenges, but I refuse to be kept down and and kept from showing people disabled or not they can do it. Whatever IT is. I can't type so well with my hands, so I use my voice. I wrote a book.. Don't get me wrong, things are tough and I definitely have moments of despair and freak outs. With determination you can do whit ever you put your mind to do. There are my two cents on pushing the crap life has thrown your way and still moving forward.

Manuscript and Dad

I'm kind of in a holding pattern right now. My manuscript is finished and the arm work in preparimg for the publication process has been done. I am waiting for my four rusted confidants to finish their read throughs. Once they get back to me I will be able to tidy things up and be ready to get my book copyrighted. That is a 3 to 4 month process. That will give me some time to get things ready for the future like my website and such. Thank God for my good friend Bob and Dragon NaturallySpeaking. I never could have written a book.

Last Friday I went shopping with my mother-in-law. My main focus for a purchase was some new boots. I wanted to get some easier boots for Emily to put on me. I had done some research and figured the kind with the zipped sides would be easiest. We went to the store I had picked out and got the boots. They were cowboy boots, but I really liked them regardless. My dad always wore cowboy boots too. I know he is looking at me and smiling. Finally, I got my boy to see the light is what he's thinking. I wore the boots out last night and I kept feeling his presence near me. I must say that I like cowboy boots now.

STL & Handi Love

This past weekend was our 2nd anniversary and we went down to St. Louis with no set plans, but to relax and enjoy our time together. We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful weekend. It was nice being outside and able to roll to most destinations. It was nice going out for a nice candle lit dinner on Saturday. Going out for coffee a couple of times was relaxing, though I wanted to try a new drink -- a salted caramel mocha. They were out of the salt, that was the intriguing part. So I settled for my usual skim latte. While getting our coffee drinks we found out there then October is disability awareness month. I had no clue there was even such a thing. So show a handi some love!


OK, I know I've been really quiet on my blog. I do have stuff to say, I've just been so consumed with my book. I'm getting down to the nitty-gritty. At themomstandard.com they have written a little preview on the book here. So check it out.

Permanent and Temporary

I've tried to be very vulnerable and honest on my blog. I just had a moment of frustration and thought that I should blog about it. I was feeling kind of weak, which seems to be the case lately. In my moment of despair/frustration I yelled at God. "I'm only 32!"In that moment I wished I wasn't here having to struggle with everything. That would just be a permanent fix to a temporary problem. Having those moments is rare for me, but they are a reality. I'm sure that others have felt that same frustration/desperation. As I've been able to snap out of it, I hope the same for you. Having this outlet really helps me.

Relaxed

I've thought about this post for some time. About a month ago I saw how close I was to finishing the book and started stressing out about everything I still had to do. About that time we started talking about having a kid. I became so stressed out. Some really good stuff, and I started to freak out. Over the last month I found a comfort level with these things. Ya, the end is nearing for the book project that has been in the works for five years. I became excited and stressed. My excitement wanted to get things done right away and that stressed me out thinking about all I had to do to be a published author. I soon realized that I needed to just relax and do things slowly and correctly to make sure I put out a great product. With that peace about the book came peace about having a kid.The other day in fact I was thinking about having a kid and I put in my voice recorder about that desire. So now these two things that were weighing heavily on me are no more. They will both come about at the right time.

Par

Recently I've had a couple of doctor appointments. One with my neurologist and the other being my eye doctor. I am on a schedule of a check up appointment with my neurologist every six months . The examination includes checking my upper body strength, vision, dexterity, and blood pressure. The checkup also includes my viewpoint on how things are going. My tests proved to be about the same as last time and I think that's right in line with how I feel things are. My eye appointment went well also. This doctor has seen me for years, I could walk when I first started seeing him. The usual tests were done, reading the lines of letters, testing for glaucoma, and the best eye dilation and the tests that goes along with that. My vision was the same as last year. Finally, I am not fighting an uphill battle. Granted every day is tough, but my symptoms aren't continually getting worse. I guess I have to admit my MS medication is working. I take a shot three times a week and usually the day after I don't feel the greatest, but that's a small price to pay to stay the same over a longer period of time. It sucks that I have MS, but I am so happy it is diagnosed and accept it. Now I am in a place of staying par for the course longer.

Scared

When I thought about writing this post earlier I didn't think I'd feel this way now. All of the stuff I've had to deal with over the last few years and this is scaring me most. Emily and I have decided we are ready to try and have a child. We just both really feel in a place of comfort in life and that it's time to try for a Beal baby. Up until now I was just excited,, but now I feel nervous as hell. I guess because now it's a reality. I have so many challenges in life, how can we deal with those and have a child? I can sit here and dwell on all that or just go for it. So let's go for it! I will be blogging my thoughts, my fears, my excitement, and everything else about this along the way.